A Wounded Soul
by bobbinsx33
Summary: Usagi's life has never been in such turmoil before. Unexpected occurences arise and it forces Usagi to be torn between the love of her life and the sharp fear of the pain of rejection.
1. Prologue: Ancient Grudges

**A Wounded Soul**

**By: crushedx34**

**Rated: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: SM is not mine. Too bad…**

**Alternate Universe**

**Author Notes: This was originally written in the format of CCS. I'm going to see which one gets more reviews, and then I'll decide which to keep. No one reads angst CCS fanfics! I know there's a lot of SM angst so this will just be an addition. **

**_Prologue~_**

I watched the blood creep down my arm in shock. Never in my life have I done something so reckless and insane. Nevertheless, I did not regret my actions. 

The crimson tears trickled down my wrist and onto my palm. Curious, I silently gazed at it. It was such a delightful shade of red. At this point, it was my favorite color. Red, the color of blood and love. Its strange how such diverse things can be categorized together. 

I shook my hand from side to side, watching the opaque liquid flow from the sides of my palm, wincing as the dried gash from my arm tore apart. It was okay. Pain, just pain. Pain was good as long it wasn't emotional. I wouldn't be able to handle it. 

I was never one for feelings. I felt most at ease with a sweet smile plastered across my face. Yes, it was sweet, but false. Have I ever truly smiled before? I wouldn't know. I find myself asking a question. What is happiness? Is it even real? 

Another cut. This one was deep. I smiled. Was it a true smile, you ask? Perhaps it was. Each cut meant another reason to conceal myself. I would have to wear a long blouse tomorrow. My _friends might notice._

I have to say, I do envy them. It's just that I feel ostracized at times. Even more so… now. While they're together having the time of their lives, I contribute a weak smile or two. They'll always have each other. Who do I have? Will anyone ever be there to comfort me? Ever? I didn't think so. 

I seek for attention through my klutz attacks, and unfortunately, the attention is not what I need. Doesn't anyone realize that it's not natural for a girl of 14 to stumble through the streets of Tokyo? Blind… they are so blind. So damn oblivious to anyone but themselves…

**Flashback…**

"...Happy birthday to me… happy birthday to me… happy birthday dear me…" I stared at invisible cake. "Happy birthday to me…"

A single tear rolled down my cheek and paused at the curve of my chin. I shivered. The droplet was cold. No, it was freezing. Was it that cold in my room? I didn't notice. 

_Ding Dong…_

The doorbell rang. I hastily wiped the tear off my chin, and rinsed my face of any trace of tears.

"Usagi! Rei is here for you!"

"Coming okaa-san!" I was anxious. So someone DID remember.

As I arrived to my living room, I was surprised to see a very ruffled Rei.

"Usagi! Oh Usagi! I can't believe I forgot!" 

"Oh… don't worry Rei… it's okay… Everyone does once in a while." I managed to choke out.

"No it isn't! Mamoru's birthday is coming up in a month and I have nothing to give him!"

I blinked. So it wasn't even me she forgot. It was her boyfriend's…or in other words, my arch enemy's birthday.

"Don't worry about it Rei, you have plenty of time to spare." I breathed. That's right Usagi, breathe. 

"Do you really think so? I don't know what to do!" she wailed.

"Yes, I am sure."

"Are you really sure?"

"Of course."

"Are you really really sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you really really really sure?"

"YES I AM! I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY SURE!" That was it. I finally cracked. It was a mistake, and I knew it. 

Rei gasped. I had never flown into such a rage it before. Okay, I admit, I was never really composed with Rei, but then again, I was never serious about our many petty fights either. 

"I'm sorry Rei. I don't feel too well. P-please, just leave me alone." I pushed her out the door, not even waiting for an answer.

My father was on a business trip. He didn't even bother to call. It doesn't really matter. I don't care. It's only my _father.__ Him and his stupid business trips… he never used to go away for so long. What's luring him away from his very own family? I really wonder._

**End of Flashback.**

The mere thought of that memory sent shudders of sorrow down my spine. We were never the same again after that day. And _that day was exactly four years ago. I have new friends now. New and better friends. Yet no matter what I do, I can't forget them. No comforting will ever mend this aching soul. _

My chest felt heavy and tense. One more cut. Just one more. I slid it across my wrist. Nothing happened.

I took a glance at the scissors I used. The blades were getting too dull. 

"Time to go scissor shopping…" I whispered, not noticing the wet stain on my cheek.

**Author Notes: Yeah, I know I know, Rei isn't that annoying. I just needed someone to make Usagi go to the brink of her sanity. And no, this is not a Mamoru and Rei fanfic. … That would be wrong. **

I'm definitely changing the title, 'cause it sounds way too cliché. Any suggestions? 

Review, Review, and REVIEW.

I want to get at least 10, but I can settle for 5. 

...10's too much isn't it? 


	2. Chapter 1: Mocking Me

**A Wounded Soul**

**By: crushedx34**

**Rated: PG-13 **

**Disclaimer: To tell you the truth, I don't like the plot of the anime "Sailor Moon"… I just like the characters. Oh well, what's the worst thing you people can do to me? Kill me? Ahh… it's not that bad.**

**Alternate Universe**

**Author Notes: Yep… definitely keeping it as Sailor Moon… definitely. I like it better here too…**** __**

**_Chapter 1~_**

"TSUKINO USAGI!! This is the last time I will be warning you!!! Sleeping in class is intolerable!" 

"Hai, Haruna-sensei…" my reply was dull, impassive, and numb. I didn't look at her. I couldn't bear to see a face that was so scrunched up with fury, towards me. Not anymore.

"Did you hear me?! Don't 'Hai, Haruna-sensei' me!" 

All of a sudden, she grabbed my arm and shook it as if the world was about to end. It was my right arm. The one that I had just cut last night with my very own hands. I cringed in pain. Surprisingly, she paused and lowered her head until it was level to my flushed.

"Are you okay?" I could have laughed. She was worried about me! ME! The one student that failed test after test after test! 

"Hai, Haruna-sensei." I looked forward to avoid eye contact.

She huffed and went back to the chalkboard muttering, "Honestly… I don't know what to do with that girl."

"Nothing, don't do anything…not that you could." I thought silently.

"Excuse me Usagi?"

I gasped. I had grumbled my thoughts out loud! Smacking myself mentally, I could already envisage the fire gleaming in her eyes. It was coming, I could feel it.

Almost as if in slow motion, I watched her lips move, "Deee- teeeeen-tiiiooonn."

I sighed and hung my head. 

**_Later~_**

_Tick… Tock… Tick… Tock…_

Life couldn't get any worse. Even the classroom clock was mocking me, going slower than ever. 

Just two more minutes. I kept staring. [Click]. The red bar stopped moving! I gaped at it in horror. Damn it! These things always happen to me. The stupid clock stopped! 

"Ahem," came a voice behind me. I turned around. "Well are you going to continue gawking at that old clock or are you going to go home?" she pointed to her petite wristwatch. 

It didn't take anymore than that to get Tsukino Usagi to move. I whizzed past her and darted out the door like a mad woman. Hey, it's not my fault. I just don't want to stay in the school any longer than I have to. 

As soon as I left the school building, I started to skip. The skips turned into jogging, and soon the jogging turned into sprinting. It was so hot outside. A bead of sweat dropped from my forehead. Just as I was about to roll up my sleeves, when I remembered the dark gashes etched across my skin. 

"Doesn't matter, a triple scoop of ice cream will make me feel better!" I chuckled giddily.

"…one of these days, you're going to become fat, Odango-atama." 

It was that Baka again. I swear, I throw my test paper at his thick head once, and I can't get rid of him! 

"And if I do, what would it be to YOU?" I retorted.

"Well well well, Odango's got quite a temper today, does she not?"

I growled.

"You see… the thing is, you always seem to crash into me somehow in the streets of Tokyo… and I wouldn't want a fat girl squishing me to death. I'm too young AND handsome to die." He flashed me one of his cocky grins.

"Then in that case, I hope I get fat. AND I hope I will quash you until you die!"

I walked ahead confidently and never turned back.

After what seemed like hours of unbearable torture, I reached Motoki's arcade. 

"Hey Usa, detention again?" Ahh… always count on Motoki to brighten my day.

I groaned. "Please Motoki, don't remind me! I've had a horrible week! I just HAD to run into that Baka again and-"  

An ice cream sundae with an assortment of mouth-watering strawberries on top slid across the long table until it was merely inches away from my nose. My eyes dilated. _Oooh… Yummy… Food… Can't resist… _

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched a single spoon draw near my delectable sundae. 

"Just what do you think your doing, Baka?!" I abruptly shoved his hand to the side and hugged my bowl of ice cream to my chest, and away from him.

He grin. That scoundrel grinned at me! How dare he?! Without thinking, I dumped my already melting sundae onto his CLEAN, WHITE shirt. 

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist." I smiled.

He was still sneering at me. Why wasn't he angry? Something cold pressed onto my face. OH. MY. GOSH. My cheeks were in contact with his chest which was eloquently put, 'dabbed' with ice cream.

I looked up, smearing even more of the sundae on my golden tresses. Ever so slowly, his hand moved to place a red strawberry on my nose. I stared at it, making me completely cross-eyed. My head started to quiver. No, it was his torso that was jolting violently. The baka was laughing at me.

"You're cute when you do that…" he mumbled under his breath. 

What did he say? REWIND!!!

"You're cute when you do that…" he mumbled under his breath.

My head broke free from his venomous grasp. I paused for a moment to look into his deep hues of blue. I sighted hesitation in them. Why was I still drowning in his midnight eyes?

I scampered away from him, sundae and all, but his hand shot out from nowhere and onto my arm which caused me to whimper. He loosened his firm clutch. However, I realized that this was the route to my escape so I swung his hand off and raced toward the park without looking back.

When I reached a secluded area, I stumbled upon the fresh grass, kneeling down as I took in deep breaths. The baka was always cold and emotionless. That's right, pokerfaced Mamoru. You can never tell what's on that mind of his. Did I just call him Mamoru? Well that's a start.                                                        

Life is just so confusing. I can't believe it. My arcade enemy called me CUTE! How dare he? Was he ridiculing me? He's probably still back at Motoki's laughing at me and my stupidity.

What was I going to do now? I can't go back to the arcade and if I do go home, what's there to do? Homework? HAHA. I don't think so. I swear, those who actually do their class work are out of their minds. How in the world is doing homework going to help them later in life? I just want to be a good, loving mother when I grow up. Nothing more, nothing less. 

I staggered home half-heartedly. As I crept into the living room a little, nasal voice cornered me.

"USSSSSAAAAAAAAGIIIII… how would Okaa-san react if she saw you like _that?" _

That little pipsqueak! If looks could kill, the one I shot him would have buried him in an unfathomably deep ditch.

"She wouldn't 'cause she wouldn't know, my _dear little pipsque-Shingo…" I drawled. _

"Just for that, you're getting it!"

My eyes widened. I was already in enough trouble as it was since I got **another detention today. I dashed up the stairs as I stripped myself of my sullied clothing and literally flew into our Jacuzzi sized bathtub, only to find my brat of a brother standing near the doorway of my bathroom smirking at me. **

"What now, Brat?"                                            

"Okaa-san isn't home yet." He ran.

**Author Notes: Would you rather lack confidence or be overly confident? I dunno where that came from, but I figured that I would rather lack confidence 'cause being overly confident is just so prideful. I can't stand those people in my school, stupid pieces of crap! **

Anyway, I think I forgot to put this on my first chapter. Read AngelDreamz's story. It's really good! Review it! 

Thankies to…

huyter nakkie, Mac, mUsIc-KnIgHt, AngelDreamz, 

Chika, Bluejello, Mistal:Last Warrior

And yes Chika I should have made Minako the annoying one. That's a great idea! Too bad I'm too lazy to change it. ;D

I wanna see more reviewers on that list next time! Okay okay, no pressure…

Ahaha… one more thing… [Oy this author note is gonna be longer than the fanfic!] Would you guys like longer chapters that would take a while to write or shorter chapters that would take err… shorter time to write? I'm kinda slow either way though…


	3. Chapter 2: Klutz Attacks

**A Wounded Soul**

**By: crushedx34**

**Rated: PG-13 **

**Disclaimer: It ain't mine.**

**Alternate Universe**

**Author Notes: I feel so… Blah all of a sudden. Writing just isn't what it was before.**

**_Chapter 2~_**

_BBBBBRIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG_

"OH NO! I'M LATE AGAIN! NOT GOOD, NOT GOOD!" 

Why didn't Okaa-san remind me or wake me up? Is she okay? She always wakes me up... or last tries to. Something was wrong…Something **felt wrong.**

My room looked like a tornado passed through it. I was never a very neat person. It just wasn't me. Hurriedly, I slid on my ruffled uniform, which was lying on the floor in a messy pile, and lamely tripped down the stairs. There she was, there my own Okaa-san was… reading the newspaper. 

"Okaa-san…W-why didn't you wake me up?"  I choked.

"Well, Usagi, your father and I decided that you were old enough to take care of yourself."

"I'm 14!"

"Hai, and you should start acting like it."

"But… but…"

"No buts, run along to school now." 

My mother didn't even look at me. As if she was ashamed. Ashamed of what, calling me her daughter?  Was I that much of a disgrace? I looked at the time, 8:00. I was already late. 

"Usagi, what in the world are you waiting for? You have legs! Go walk to school!"

The last words I heard coming from her mouth were mutters, "Lazy girl. I can't believe this is what I've raised up."

I couldn't stay anymore. Not in a house where people hated me…my own house. I struggled to breathe as I stifled my salty tears. Hurling myself out the door, I yearned to stray as far and as quick as possible. 

Blinded by my tears, I missed the step from my sidewalk. My ankle was bent in a distorted fashion. It didn't hurt… that much. I pulled myself together and limped towards my school. A crystalline droplet trailed down my cheeks with each step. 

"Odango! Hey! ODANGO!" 

I was definitely not in the mood for him.

A long, black object swept itself in front of me. I could have sworn it wasn't there before, but it was too late. Being the klutz that I am, I walked straight into it and tumbled into a heap. Peals of laughter was all I could hear.

"HAHAHHAHA"

It stopped.

"Usako… you've been crying." Someone's hand caressed my tear stained cheek.

"W-what did you call me?" 

He froze.

I groaned, I had no time for this. I needed to get to school before they called home. As I stood up, I stumbled backwards forgetting exactly where I was. All I remembered was a voice calling out my name and an earsplitting honk of a car.

"USAGI!" 

Mamoru's voice. 

**Author Notes: I have no idea where this is going. Sooo sorry it took such a long time. I've been way busy with school since its almost over. Again, thank you for waiting and reading and most of all, reviewing.**

Thanks to:

Kitahosi

Jazzy

 Reviwer 

Bluejello

Anon

Lynn

Sigh, I wish more people would review… but I've got to be content… Thanks guys, again.


	4. Chapter 3: Questions

A Wounded Soul By: me Rated: PG-13 Disclaimer: not mine. Alternate Universe Author Notes: damn... I have not written in a long time. A lot has changed since last time I posted, such as my viewpoints and life. Truthfully, I'm not into sailor moon at all anymore or even fan fiction itself, but recent occurrences made me realize that I don't know how to really express myself in words directly. Oh well. I'm not too sure if my writing technique improved at all, but either way I was reading my last couple chapters and it seems to me that I have a long way to go before I can truly write a good, sturdy story. It's okay, I'm an artist-not a writer. ( Chapter 3~ An earsplitting headache shot through my head as my eyes fluttered open. The light above me flashed like a burning flame upon a mere candlestick in a darkened room. Where was I? Looking around myself, I could see a doctor hurriedly checking off a list on his wooden clipboard, a plump nurse skittering around making preparations for new patients, and an extremely tall man leaning upon the peaceful green walls of the room.  
  
"Mamoru.?"  
  
It was incredible. The man's words amazed me beyond belief. He was hysterical.  
  
"USAGI! Don't you EVER do that to me again! Why didn't you look where you were going? Why? Do you even know what could have HAPPENED to you? Do you!?"  
  
"Ma-"  
  
"-What would I do without you?!"  
  
My mind went blank. What would he do without me? What was that supposed to mean. The guy had a girlfriend; he shouldn't have been saying things like that. Not when he was already tied to someone, someone other than me. I stared wistfully into his shocking eyes. They were dark and quite mysterious. To my surprise, he locked the gaze, and for a few seconds we were in our own little world. Nothing seemed to matter. His next action sent me into jolts of delight and remorse. He rushed to me and held me in a tight embrace.  
  
Oh yes, there was pain. More pain than I ever felt in my entire life. The intense physical part from the recent injuries was nothing compared to this. I didn't want to let go. I wanted to stay in his arms forever and ever. Burying my forehead into the nape of his neck, the tears began to flow. He rocked me back and forth until I started to calm down. Never in a million years did I expect to be so close to him.  
  
We both held each other. Knowing that this was most likely the only chance that I would ever be able to be civil with him, I pulled him closer. He understood. I could tell he did as he drew me closer. The embrace was almost suffocating, but it was what I needed. If one was to take a swift glance at us, it would have been the perfect picture:  
  
Two lovers holding onto one another. the male towering over the childlike woman as she held on with a sense of vulnerability. Each too scared to let go and ruin the perfect moment, each too proud to let out their true feelings.  
  
"I like you, Usagi."  
  
The words finally escaped through his soft, kissable lips. I like you, Usagi. I like you, Usagi. I like you, Usagi. I like you, Usagi. It echoed through my head, sending ripples of bliss down my spine. What was going to happen next?  
  
"Oh really. what kind of like would this be?" That's the way to go, Usagi. Play coy and you won't get hurt.  
  
"What do you mean what kind of like? What other kind can there be?"  
  
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" I giggled.  
  
"Uh. well. I. uh." he was just too cute.  
  
"Damn. What do you mean what kind? Like brotherly?" Brotherly. My heart shattered into a thousand pieces.  
  
"Is... is that what it is?"  
  
"NO. Of course not." It was like in those fantasy movies. Like when a plate smashed to smithereens, but a fairy comes along and with a wave of her wand, the pieces meld together and become a beautiful and whole plate again.  
  
"It's like. it's like the kind of like when you love being with that person. When they aren't around, you miss them. When just hearing the sound of their voice comforts you through the worst nights." he trailed off.  
  
I would never forget this day. Ever.  
  
"I like you too," I said while smiling. "Oh? What kind of like?" Two can play at this game.  
  
"..The same kinda like."  
  
Uh oh. The affection was growing now. That damned affection. This was definitely not supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall for Mamoru. Not him.Anyone but him.  
  
Author Notes: Before I wanted to write something like sorry I didn't update or whatever, but I realized that I'm not writing for people to read it. I'm writing for myself. Most of the things that aren't too dramatic in this chapter happened to me recently, so if you think it's corny... Hehe oh well. As I was editing and revising the chapter I realized that my style is different from last year. I don't know if you readers can tell but. NEWAIS, I hope it's because of the fact that I matured through the past few months? I remember talking to my friend the other day, and she told me that time is precious. Everything is temporary, so when you get a chance to experience something new, don't let it pass you by. No one likes to live life with regrets. Life may be the longest thing that you'll ever experience, but it's the shortest thing in the world when you realize how much time you wasted on insignificant things. 


End file.
